Learning to Dance

Bloody Anger

2011-08-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

This past week I was puttering in my front yard. Part of these duties include: assessing the damage of remaining squirrels, cleaning out my watering hole for drought thirsty animals and checking the health of my plants. Then, I looked down at my arm. There was blood.

My first thought was what in the world happened? And then, where did it come from? Lastly and probably the most important question, I asked was how do I stop the flow? These are all healthy responses to a body’s wound. To deny, dismiss or even become angry with the blood’s presence is careless, silly and possibly dangerous.

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about anger. As we discussed anger,an idea struck me. Anger is to our heart, what blood is to our body. Anger is a signal that something is wrong. I’ve often thought that when we find anger rising in our being, we often try to control it, ignore it or deny its existence. Just as the presence of blood is evidence of wounding and a need for attention the presence of anger serves the same purpose. To ignore the presence of rage is not only unhealthy. It is destructive.

Our heart has a warning system and frequently we ignore the red flags. Suppressing our anger and never finding the origin makes us susceptible to continue to bleed emotionally. Scripture tells us to be angry and not sin. Often our anger is justified due to a stab of the heart—an injury to the inner core—a wound.

For example, God bleeds with anger due to our disobedience. God is hurt by our poor choices. We don’t follow the best. Jesus was angry with people who continued to not have faith in the promise of life and love and instead chose the slavery of law. How have we concluded that dismissing or ignoring our anger is the best course of action? I wonder if it is due to mistreatment from people and/or ourselves who have responded in anger. The “not sin” part of scripture requires us not to respond in the heat of our pain, but to find the source.

I know that when I am mad, there is something amiss. It can be due to my own improper motives or desires, or the reality of another’s abuse, but the anger tells me something is out of alignment. If I don’t go to the core of the anger, stop and investigate I will still be angry. Just like my bleeding arm in the story above.

The healthy response to the blood on my arm was to quit my puttering, find the cause of my injury, and then properly take care for the wound. I wonder how many of us are truly hemorrhaging in anger, never pausing to address the pains of our heart, never allowing or giving ourselves permission to acknowledge our hurt, our pain. Anger signifies we’ve been injured, inside. We live in a violent world. Betrayals, lack of integrity, disrespect, lack of consideration are just a few of the behaviors that hurt our souls. We contribute with our own destructive thoughts and selfishness. As people who bear the image of God, none of these manifestations are for our good and therefore, cause pain. Our hearts are often attacked; we truly are the walking wounded. BUT, we have a God who promises to bind our wounds and heal our brokenness. We need to go deeper, investigate what is behind our anger, our bleeding, and invite God to heal our bloody anger.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Ps. 34:18

Running in Water

2011-08-09T07:01:00.001-07:00

Two weeks ago I stepped off a curve and sprained my ankle. It was one of those not so graceful
moments that you just wish you could rewind and be more careful. I placed my foot forward as I do every day it turned and twisted abnormally. Immediately I yelped in pain. My husband quickly and tenderly helped me to a chair where I could catch my breath and assess the damage. My ankle swelled and was unable to support my weight. Instantly, I had visions of not participating in the tri-athalon I had trained for so diligently. Fourteen days later, I still have swelling and bruising.

My coach’s instructions prohibited running while swelling was evident. I feel a bit frustrated in this mandated rest, but also have learned to accept it as God running interference to train in better ways.

So I was told to run in the water. Hmmm, never having done this before, but not wanting to lose
my level of fitness, I subjected myself to try this new way. So the other day, I went to our aquatic
center and asked one of the very young lifeguards for a belt. This belt is designed to keep you
buoyant; buckling the floating apparatus around my waist, I entered the water and attempted to run.

I felt a little sheepish as I was running in water upright; it’s not a normal posture in the pool. But as I let go of my self-consciousness and focused on the therapy, I started contemplating. Rotating my hips and legs under the surface, I started realizing something. In this state of suspension, I couldn’t hurt myself! I couldn’t twist an ankle, fall down or injure a joint. I was totally supported and safe. Then the ah-ha moment came to me.

My spirit is encased in Living Water. It is supported and protected by the power of the Spirit of
the Eternal God who sent the Source of all Life to save me. My soul cannot be snatched away. I
started laughing in my conversation with God, the One who loves me most, who desires for me
to understand I am safe. I am surrounded and buoyant in the promised protection of grace.

This protection is a new thought for me. God is my shield and protector. I have often left
myself to this assignment, which frankly has not gone very well. So sprained ankle = greater
understanding of the Living Water’s presence in my life completely, fully and all encompassing.
This is a lesson well worth understanding. For this I am glad.

Winning

2011-07-31T05:21:00.001-07:00

Winning. I am not aware of anyone who doesn’t enjoy experiencing the joy of being the best. Whether cheering our favorite football team to victory, waiting for America’s next idol, or identifying the newest and greatest chef we all identify with the struggle to reach the top. There’s something about achieving a goal or watching someone else succeed that inspires us and causes us to continue to dream about finding fulfillment in our own pursuits.
Sustaining every winner and behind the scenes of every achievement, there are others. These are the people who spur us on. They encourage with words, actions, and support. They believe in our aptitude or gifting and help us along the way. They are our mentors, coaches, friends, and dare I say, cheerleaders.

Today, I achieved something I have never done before and never would have done without someone spurring me on. She pushed me. She encouraged me. She was patient, loving and helpful. She knows my goal and she wants to help me succeed. Today, she told me I might think rather unkind thoughts of her as she had me pursue the absolute, without question steepest hill for the biking segment of my upcoming triathlon. She knew what she was doing and I trusted her.

Midway in my attempt up this ascent, I felt sick. Actually, I thought I was going to vomit. I had to stop. I was humbled. My friend halted her climb and waited for me to catch up. Patiently talking me through it, I in my delirious state, tried to listen. After the waves of nausea receded, I continued. She was now way ahead, showing me the way, giving me focus, and finally, there to greet me at the top.

After completing the cycle training today I am tired, but I also feel good. I am stronger. I’ve learned some things for next time and I have a friend who helped me get there. I’ve given my friend permission to coach me and I accept and trust her guidance.

Sometimes in our own spiritual journeys, I wonder why we aren’t so willing to have that coach or mentor? Maybe they will get in our face and cause us to feel uncomfortable. But if we aren’t pressed, encouraged, or spurred on we stagnate. We all need to be pursued to reach a prize that is far greater than any achievement on this earth. Scripture encourages us to run to win. When we resent the input of others, is it because we don’t want to grow? An admission of need in strength training is humbling (but it is in fact an admission which allows the opportunity for excellence).

I have deep respect for my friend. She has overcome obstacles of weight and health that cause me to willingly surrender to her tutelage. She has proven herself. As I submit to her experience I in turn am learning to overcome my own challenges. So today I am wondering; how many of us have a spiritual coach? What is the total of those who have given someone permission to push them to greater heights, strength and maturity? I’m thinking not that many.

Winning will look different for each of us. We are individuals with vastly varied races. Achievement is your best, your pursuit, your prize; no one else can attain what is yours and no one else can compete. But all of us are called to win in Christ!

As I am pushed physically, I am also learning and striving spiritually. I’ve placed myself under some godly hands to guide and direct my journey. Just like my friend who exhibits all the signs of a great coach (I highly recommend her for cycling), I have given others entrance to my life spiritually to do the same.

• 1 Corinthians 9:24
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.
• Philippians 3:14
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
• Colossians 2:18a
Let no one keep defrauding you of your prize. . .
• 2 Timothy 2:5
Also if anyone competes as an athlete, she does not win the prize unless she competes according to the rules. (the rules are to follow Christ)

Seatbelts, Living and Hypocrisy

2011-07-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

When our girls were small they would often be found in the backseat of our car exclaiming "hypocrite", with great zeal and delight. It was almost a game to catch their father who was careful to make sure they were safely buckled in, but often slow in ensuring this wise action for himself. The girls had learned that is was a good decision to buckle your seat belts in the car. It was safer, it was a lesson that was caught. On the other hand their father who spoke of the safety of seat belt buckling, would often get too busy or distracted to practice what he preached. Thus the girls were quick to cry out when they caught their daddy practicing hypocrisy.

I was thinking of this game of long ago and yet the challenge for all of us to be real. We often feel good about ourselves because we are talking the good talk, but not living it as well. This hypocrisy is something that runs deep in all of us. Personally, I have noticed it in other people who would say the right things, but than their actions spoke of something else entirely. It confused me and often hurt me as well. I realized I needed to pay more attention to the walk than the talk.

This walking has been something I have been focusing on in my own life. I want to be a person of integrity, not a hypocrite, I must reflect what I speak. Paying attention more to my actions, is part of this battle. I must do this honestly and therein I find not such a pretty picture. For where I have been quick to notice another lacks honesty in their life, I've been blind to my own. God have mercy on us all!

Our daughters as young as they were, identified their dad not living what he professed. It was obvious. In their youthful eyes they spoke what was true rather than what their daddy proclaimed and they rightly called out "hypocrite"! I am examining my own hypocrisy in expecting others to live what is right, when I haven't done such a good job of being honest about who I am.

I am honestly, struggling. I am honestly, challenged by the claims of Christ. I am honestly working through who I am, uniquely made reflecting God. I am honestly working against the pressure to morph myself to those around me. In other words, not being conformed to the world. To not be a hypocrite, I must be who I am. Honestly. Owning all of me and taking responsibility for all my quirks, uniqueness, joys and flaws, interests and delights this is what it means to be real. This real living is why Christ came, to enable us to live freely in the gospel of no longer slaves, no longer condemned, no longer under bondage, but free to be the unique, one of a kind person we are that God loves. God rejoices and revels as we freely express ourselves in the goodness and grace of what is true and this in turn reflects the truth of God.

God loves us, each one of us, different, complex, multi-colored, multi-ethnic, and multi-faceted. God is glorified when we are faithful to who we are and stop trying to conform ourselves to those around us. If we mimic someone else, we glorify them and not God. If we speak words that are good, but our actions cry out something quite different; we again glorify a life filled with lies instead of what is true.

Today, if you had two young children in your back seat, would they be crying out hypocrite or would they be comforted by their observations of a life lived demonstrated in accordance to what has been spoken? Think about it with me.

Sacred vs Secular Music

2011-07-21T07:17:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of music. I really, really, like it. Music has been a companion of mine since infancy. It has brought comfort, solace, validation, and expression of what I feel, but am unable to articulate. Recently I had a conversation with my mom, who shared her trouble as a new mom in knowing what to do with me. Desperate for relief from my cries, she took me to church. Every day for a week in the evening and in the solace of stained glass windows and music I was quiet. The other attendants would comment on how at peace I was in the setting of music and beauty and it was there my mom dedicated me to God.

Which brings me back to music. As with many of you, my life has been filled with many challenges and music was a way that I identified and dealt with the pain and joy. "Don't Pull your Love out on me Baby", by Hamilton, Joe Frank and Reynolds was what I placed as my father's cry for my mom not to leave my dad in divorce. Her reply came in Carole King's, "It's too Late". Marvin Gaye's, "What's Going On?" spoke to the turmoil and sadness I felt with racism.

About two months ago I heard a song by Adele, entitled "Rolling in the Deep". I was struck while listening that it sounded like God speaking to the beautiful Lucifer of betrayal, when the betrayer "could of had it all". I feel it speaks to the incredible pain God must have experienced when a l/3 of angels led by one who decided to focus on living lies.

All of the songs I have thus alluded to are what we might call "secular", but I have found comfort and truth in the lyrics and melody. Sometimes I think we get so hung up on what we think is proper or we might judge as acceptable instead of going deeper and seeing value. I don't think the lines of music with God are as clear cut as we like to make them. We separate, judge, condemn and yes punish in regard to our tastes.

In all of this I do believe there are guidelines of what is lovely, good and pure. Music that demands rape, abuse or language that would make most blush or make sex a recreational activity I am not comfortable with. Sometimes, while listening to a station that would be sanctioned by many I am honestly sickened by the sugary coating of a theology that is much deeper than the words indicate. So bottom line is pay attention to the words, the message and don't worry so much about the messenger. God can use rocks to cry out the glory of praise, who are we to put limitations on who those rocks are? Do I dare say, God used an ass to speak what was true to a prophet who wasn't paying attention as well. There is much that is good in music that God has given and its forms are as varied and unique as the Triune, Eternal God I profess.

So today, I have Michael Buble's, "Sun in the Sky, you know how I feel, Birds flying high you know how I feel. . . . It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life, and I'm feeling good! These words are ringing in my head and it is declaring the joy of the beauty of this world that God has given and the hope of one day it truly will be a new dawn and a new day and I LOVE IT!

Women/Strength really?

2011-07-15T15:34:00.001-07:00

I had a conversation today with a dear friend. Among many of the things discussed we landed a bit on strength and women. In Christian circles this often seems to be in conflict with our views of godliness. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In the increasingly hostile environment many women find themselves the need for assertive truth and living bravely are sorely needed.

The church has done a horrendous job in teaching what it means to be a woman or a man. It has set up many stereotypes that have more to do with culture and tradition than biblical truths. I am often confounded when scripture tells us, "to be strong in the Lord" and our response is only to allow men this godly trait.

Recently, I have taken on another one of my bucket list goals. I am training for a sprint tri-athalon. The consequence of this training is the very fact that I am getting stronger. The time spent in running, swimming and biking is manifesting itself in my body. I have worked hard. I wonder if women would apply themselves in the study of scripture they will find strength and courage to speak against what is unjust, to live for what is good and harness in their spirits the strength of a mighty God who loves them beyond comprehension! The training of serious study would let them know beyond a doubt of their value, their necessity and their equally shared image reflection of God.

I am so struck with the awesome arsenal that is in every church congregation, but underutilized, under appreciated and certainly unrecognized due to an incredibly false view of what it means to be a woman or a man. When I walk into a room it is obvious I am of the female gender. The rest that comes with it is often more about assumptions and teaching than true godliness.

What if every woman lived in the strength and courage of their God? If women would stop being passive enablers of bad behavior from their brothers and sisters, but true Ezer's who spoke what was true in great humility and love? What if women would no longer stand for physical, spiritual and emotional abuse from their men and yes, the church! What if women and men united together in the beauty of their uniqueness and giftedness supported one another to truly embody the gospel message of a royal priesthood?

This past week I have been made aware of two marriages falling apart. In both the women are not respected. There is a strong conviction of roles in both marriages that obviously is not working. Not too long ago I heard a comment from a young father who was very concerned that his boy knew what it meant to be a man. I groaned inwardly. For what if the father was more concerned with his boy learning what it meant to follow Jesus? We are so hung up on gender and roles our focus is wrong and bent. Jesus says, follow me. We don't need to worry about what package He created us in, our faithful following will take care of any confusion.

I'm not into human bashing. I am tired of observing continual pain perpetrated by false beliefs of what is a woman or man. I am sickened by the church's contribution to people's real emotional confusion due to our desire to limit feminine and masculine characteristics which inhabit every human being into one type of body. Women can be strong. Women can be assertive. Men can be sensitive. Men don't have to be leaders! We put so much pressure on ourselves and each other when deep down inside none of us measure up to this "sacred" definition of male and femaleness. Can we stop this? Can we talk? Can we be strong in what is true and right? Can we speak and be respected? Can we listen? Can we learn?

Toe Dancing

2011-07-12T08:32:00.001-07:00

On pointe, dancing on your toes in ballet is a beautiful art form. As the mother of a ballerina, I have had many opportunities to witness the disciplined hard work involved to achieve what appears to be effortless. There are times that what is accomplished in this arena of dance is breathtaking and inspiring. This level of beauty demands countless hours spent in the studio with others who are all focused on the same goal of perfection. If one person in the company does not take responsibility for their dance the whole dance will suffer. It will be seen when performed. It can be dangerous as well.

In the studio of the church,I idealistically crave for the beauty observed in physical dance, but often experience a toe dancing of another kind. Toes are bloodied and bruised by others who have stepped on, tripped or even blocked my movement. Now, before we go into defensive mode hear me out. For this abuse of each other in our spiritual dancing causes great harm. Our lack of discipline, focus and hours of practice cause tremendous pain. What grieves me even more is the realization that though mindful of others firmly planted foot on mine, I have been oblivious to my own toe stomping! My intentions were not often to do this, my motives were not necessarily malicious, but I did it anyway. I have been saddened by my contribution to this type of ugly, traumatic dancing.

A consquence of dancing together as God intended is to forgive the pain that has been inflicted on each other due to bad dancing. God revealed this to me the other day. I was struck that I have become gun shy, fearful and yes; defensive due to very bloody feet! I realized that part of the reason they are so bloody is due to each of us trying to dance, but also at times to my contributing false steps. One of the truths God spoke in regards to this waltz was, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do!"

Jesus on the cross, cries out forgiveness for all the crushing, stomping, and mashing of our feet on Him and each other. "For we know not what we do!" Mercy is required due to our ignorance, lack of faith, disobedience and good intentions gone awry. Justice has been served in full by my Lord's own body. He allowed the fullest extent of abuse on His own self to pay for our horrible dancing.

So as I work on my steps, I am reminded of my own inability to do this well without the grace of a kind Master and I am challenged to extend this mercy to others despite the pain incurred. I must focus on God's beautiful dancing that blesses me so I in turn may bless others in humility. As I continue to adjust my feet, which are often awkard and clumsy, I am needing others to be patient and gracious. God has let me observe my own dancing and I am truly a toddler in my movement.

In our earth's studio, my hope is that I will become more focused on my work, my steps and when there is an accident, extend willing forgiveness to a fellow dancer. My prayer is that each of us would desire and work hard to be a reflection of beauty demonstrated by the Lord of the Dance. But let's extend grace as we are taught together.

Something New

2011-06-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

I love to explore the new and exciting; experiences that challenge me intellectually, spiritually and yes, physically. It brings a sense of accomplishment when I adjust, incorporate and understand yet a deeper level of life. I really do invite this . . . when it's my idea. If I want to learn a new way to run, swim or even ride a bike I do it. If I want to read a new author, a new topic or even a new recipe; I dive in.

But . . . . new and different that comes from an outside source is a whole different story. These new ways that I referred to in my last post are really hard. It's ideas and perspectives that are outside of my realm of acknowledged experience and comprehension. It makes me uneasy.

I'm learning how to dance again and having to learn new steps, not the old familiar but the new and uncomfortable. I'm sharing some of my missteps to help you maybe identify some of your own and perchance we may dance better together. So here we go.

Misstep, "I am alone". I've been living this for a long time. Early childhood through my 50's. I've believed this, exclaimed this and experienced this. At first it was the message that was given to me by others, imprinted on my psyche and responded in survival mode. It kept me going, it helped me exist. It's not working anymore. It's a lie.

I am realizing in my dance of life, I've lived many lies subconsciously. This isolation one is huge. Every encounter with another being I continually connect with where I don't connect! I observe how we aren't alike and how we are different. It has affirmed my dance of lies. God has revealed this to me. I've known for a long time that God promises to never leave me or forsake me, and that the presence of God would be with me always. But I have not often danced a dance of joy that God is with me. I've instead kept in step with the liar who has told me I am alone. The deceiver has done a good job of keeping me from walking/dancing in the truth.

I'm onto him now. I don't capitalize any reference to this destroyer of humanity for a reason, he is my enemy. The One Who is Truth has been waiting a long time for me to see that beautiful arms of mercy are beckoning me to dance. My Dance Partner is for life; despite my trips, fumbles and false steps. I am only sad it has taken me so long to realize my Bridegroom has been waiting, longing, and calling me to dance together, not alone, but in beautiful tandem as only lovers can. The music is set to truth and love with mercy adding a harmony of beautiful depth. This is new territory, I truly am an infant, but I do so want to learn and I have an incredibly loving, patient partner and for that I am deeply grateful.

There is no condemnation for those in Christ, Jesus. There is only revelation for transformation. Come join and leap with me!

Reentry -

2011-06-16T05:42:00.000-07:00

I have been out of the loop for a while, since September 2010 to be exact. Today I opened my email account and found I had a new follower. Blogging can be quite self indulgent and because there are so many writers out there I've been really struggling with my own urge to express along with the myriad of others with the same desire. So I'm taking today as a sign, a little encouragement to get back in with the multitude of words written daily.

So profound thought of the day: Life is hard. Since I wrote last, I've been doing a lot of self examination, taking a sabbatical from the call of pastor's wife, discovered a dear friend has a horrible malignancy in her brain and my granddaughter took a nasty stumble down wet stairs last night that resulted with a trip to the ER. (She was treated with 3 stitches and a Popsicle.)

Compounding the difficulty of life with it's challenges of divorce, death, disease, cancer and yes, let's not forget our earth's belching of fire, earthquakes, storms and drought; there is something within us that is attacking as well.

These missiles that strike to the core of our heart and value are what I am now calling lies. It starts early enough, birth to be exact and builds with each year we exist. From the moment of our entry into this planet we encounter people who treat us or mistreat us due to what they believe about who they are and who we are. This constitutes much abuse to every single being on this planet.

There are three ways we respond to this abuse, due to our foundation of lies. We fight, we deny or we go numb. It's how we survive. I've been fighting and frankly I am tired. Fighting doesn't work very well it is destroying my heart. Denial doesn't work either, for ignoring the facts does not make them going away. Walking around comatose to our daily encounters does not diminish the truth that occurs in and around us. So I'm working on another way; a better way; a more godly way.

This is a journey for me. Uncovering the lies that I have built into the innermost recesses of my heart. Until recently, unknown and unrealized. But God is patiently revealing, healing and loving as I build a more solid foundation of truth. It's hard work, but it's a good process.

So, I'm back. I will be sharing more as I uncover the beauty of a God who invites us to live in what is lovely, true and pure. A God who has done everything possible to deliver us from these lies. A God who does not condemn us, but delivers us from these oppressive ways we deal with each other and ourselves. So, here I go, relearning how to dance . . . . again.

Reciprocity

2010-09-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

Reciprocity - a reciprocal state or relation. Mutual exchange. A returning, usually for something given.

I've been musing on this word a lot as of late. The exchanges between human beings often offers a glimpse about what is offered and what is given when we connect. It is a light into our souls and our passions. It truly is a mirror of what we value and esteem highly. As a watcher, I have seen much given that if truly thought about might not have been offered. Might have been more careful in its deliverance or wrapping.

More and more I have watched and experienced how often we are careless in our exchanges. More focused on our own ideologies and goals, instead of what's best . . for the other. I have seen this in me. It's not pretty to observe my engagement with others that is often focused on not giving something that would bless or edify to the other but more concerned with protection or elevation of me. This is a hard truth.

The other day I was in a meeting. It was a good meeting where organization and planning was being discussed. But in the moment, I lost the overall focus and it became personal. Because what was to change had great effect on me and so I began to respond internally to the pain, for it truly was to cost me greatly. I could see the proposal had great merit for the overall purpose and goals, but it meant a death of sorts for me.

In my official/unofficial position of wife of the pastor, I often find myself in conversations with people and knowing much more than the congregation as a whole. I find myself in a minefield of potential verbal missteps if not careful. At times I want to protect and avoid the encounters for the contacts can be quite hurtful. Again, I'm concerned with me.

I am constantly challenged and convicted by the greatest commandment to love. The greatest command to love God above all things and my neighbor as myself. This means I reciprocate with kindness, graciousness, patience, humility and not seeking what is best for me. If I am slapped, I turn the other cheek. If I am asked to give a cloak I give two. This is not natural for me.

I don't know how you as a reader understand what it means to follow Jesus the Christ. But more and more I know it means death to my desires and wants and a love for another that is a sacrifice for me. I'm working on it. I fight it. There is truly a war in my soul, but I cannot give up the fight. The Spirit of God resides in me and it requires a godly reciprocity to my human encounters.

Riding New Waves

2010-08-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget one of my adventures in body surfing. I was in my later twenties, visiting my aunt and uncle in California. I had spent a lot of time in my youth visiting my mom in Florida and so felt very comfortable in the vast water. So I went out. Running to the waves I felt the exhilaration of cold water, salty mist and the promise of catching a ride on the sea. After several enjoyable endeavors, I thought I will try one more. Eagerly I swam out for my last run before resting and so waited for the right one. While treading water I got distracted, I wasn't paying attention and a wave got me! Now rather than me being in control and floating on top, I was literally turned end over end in a tumultuous power of foam and force that literally drove me head first into the sand at the end. I was shook up, I also was hurting. My neck had received the impact of my head implant and subsequently I heard my spine cracking the whole way down my back. I remembered laying there and consciously taking inventory of my body. I felt totally trashed!

Have you ever felt that way? You're riding along in life and for one split second you weren't paying attention, you weren't alert and you found yourself under water. I have found myself there more often than I'd like to admit. More often than I care to have experienced. But whenever it happens, I find it's often due to me not paying attention! Now please do not misunderstand or equate this with the times when a fellow rider is out of control and crashes into you through no fault of your own. When those times occur I think a big hug and some sympathy is in order. I am addressing the times we become absent minded or distracted, when we're coasting along, even minding our own business; not paying attention.

We are told to be on alert, to be sober minded, to walk circumspectly while riding some awesome waves! Riding waves cannot be done with sternness or a serious demeanor for the waves scream of adventure and fun. They truly are a huge contribution in enjoying life abundantly! But to enjoy the gift of waves, I've got to respect them, otherwise I can get hurt.

I learned a lesson that day. The cracking that generated down my back was a healthy reminder for me to pay attention. It didn't stop me from getting out there again, but it did cause me to think. In life we have many waves that come upon us, some are downright fun and others quite large, but awareness is half the battle. To sit on the beach is not an option. There's too many waves to catch, too many adventures to experience, too much fun to be had. To live you've got to be a wave rider!

I'm working on this wave riding. I want to enjoy each moment with its challenges and joys, but I want to be alert so I can catch the next wave!

Honest Conversation

2010-08-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how easily we become lemmings in a public situation? We quickly follow whatever the person in front is doing or the one who seems to know what they are doing. Whether it's forming lines in traffic, taking some kind of action in regards to an incident or even responding in kind. Why is it I am so easily influenced by the majority's pull when my spirit is telling me to move differently?
This last week, I was walking across the Target parking lot. As I moved an abrupt flash caught my eye and I stopped. It was a car that had yet to identify a human was in their path. While waiting to make sure the person in the car behind shaded windows saw me, I observed hands flailing. I wasn't sure what was happening and so continued to wait. At that moment the driver, rolled down her window and started yelling at me that she "had seen me". She shouted this not once but a couple of times with great hostility. At that moment, I had a chance to respond with anger or a name of choice, but did not. I responded differently. As I walked away I thought, WOW is she angry!!! I also had a choice at that moment to let her anger become mine. To allow the cancer of hate possessing her become a cancer in my own soul. Thankfully, in that incident I was able to recognize it truly was her issue and not mine to own. I let it go.
At other times and in other situations, it's not so easy. As I pursue a life of holiness, I find myself easily pulled into other people's issues. Frankly, I thought of making a T-shirt that proclaimed "No Issues" encircled in red with a line through the middle. I wanted to protect myself from others. I realize in stating this, I am acting as if I have no "issues" of my own and therein is the true irony. For I have issues like everyone else. The problem is I am blind to them and how they affect others. Though I can be incredibly blind to my own, I see yours with clarity! And . . . you see mine!
So herein is the challenge! Can I give grace to your issues and love you with them, but not let your infection spread in me and can you return the favor? Can we also in great love help each other with our struggles with amazing love and acceptance through the power of our gracious, Lord and Savior? I want to do this, I'm called to do this, the question is am I willing? This is incredibly contrary to my flesh's desire to be self righteous!
The lady who confronted me the other day was easy on some level. It was obvious that her anger had nothing to do with me, personally. She came out of the blue, driving a car too fast and was a mere interruption. It's the people I collide with daily, the ones who I interface on a consistent basis; it's those who are challenged by me and I by them to become godly in my response and not reacting or catching what they have.
I am challenged by our Lord's exhortation to be holy, for I am holy! Holiness demands a different attitude, a different heart, a different response. I am praying for God to change mine.